He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
