..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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