So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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