if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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