I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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