Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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