I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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