just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
