Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Randomize
