He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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