I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
