i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
