I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
whose ass print is on the piano?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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