look no pants
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
