question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
