He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
