There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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