so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
