Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I skipped work to stalk him.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
