"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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