We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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