So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
