sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
