and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
