If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
