I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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