Who wears a wallet chain?!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
