You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
