My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
