I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize