Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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