Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
