I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
