Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
