I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Terrible idea I love it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
