i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
