I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
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SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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