The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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