I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
