Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
