Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize