i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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