the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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