Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
