oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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