Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
