the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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