I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
