i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
