this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
