did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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