im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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