Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
