Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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