Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
