Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
