at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
