id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
