I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
