she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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