Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize