Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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