I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
