Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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