he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
