Christians are straight up FREAKS
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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