Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
