I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
