My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
