This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
