I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
