Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
