can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This is not my ceiling
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
