who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You made out with two different species that night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
