Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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