Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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