I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
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