i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
