i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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