I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
