you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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