broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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