are you still at the devil's house?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
