you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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