shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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