Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
