i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
