I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
